There comes a time in your life that you come to a halt. In fact, there will be many times throughout your years on Earth that you will be faced with choices, with decisions, and with crossroads in front of you. My parents, I’m lucky enough to call them both my best friends. But I wonder indefinitely about how I ended up to be so lucky. They have taught me lessons that they will never have to say out loud. There is a lot to learn from the people, around you, in front of you. There is a lot to take in about the losses you face, there is a lot to look into about the quotes that someone sends you with the words “thought of you today.” There is a lot required to be a human, but not a whole lot to be a decent person. So I’ve learned, that since nobody knows how the story ends, I will forever be someone devoted to writing a good one, everyday. Take your bad with a grain of salt, and your good with an empty mind. Think about your days.

You know those days that you wake up, missing someone, only to be late to a class, only to miss 10 shots at practice, only to have to wait in a long line for green tea at Starbucks that they give you black tea, only to turn in your homework due at 11:59 at 12. These are the days that nothing goes right, and you call your mom before you sleep.

You know those days that you hear something that reminds you of the sand in Hawaii and how you felt reading texts that you were missed and the time difference hurts the heart as much as the miles between you, you know those days when someone askes your favorite place and your mind goes to the 6:50AM Yoga in Oahu or the waves from Mission Beach in California. These are the days you’ll want to move far away and start a new life; and someday, you will.

You know those days that you want to spend alone, so you go to your favorite restaurant on the canal and remember that you only accept apologies in little blue boxes, remembering that you are worth more than how someone else can make you feel, remembering what it feels like to be put second, remembering what it feels like to wonder. These are the days you need to remember that loving yourself is hard. But these are the days that the few people who love themselves in this world are happy because they are most able to love others. You may like the games, but these are the days you need to get it together and move forward.

You know those days that you look at your future, you wish you could write it down because you want it all to go right, you see a person holding your hand and a little human looking up at you with big hazel eyes asking to go play in the leaves with your Dalmatian puppy your other brought home one day a month ago. You’re making dinner in your kitchen decorated with MacKenzie Child’s and your parents are on speaker phone asking what wine we want for after dinner, and your heart is warm when you look around your house at the parties you throw that are decorated with the friends you’ve had since high school and their happiness. These are the days worth waiting for.

You know those days where you can’t get out of bed, because you’re sick but not coughing sick. Homesick, Lovesick, just sick. Those days you turn on the Lumineers and become someone driving around in your hometown with the windows down and your best friend next to you, and you look out over the water and see the sunset that you’ve seen 1000 times over and you’re thankful for life. You go over the happiest times in your life, like August 5th when you jumped off bridges with your favorite people and climbed waterfalls for a few minutes. These are the sad days that you’ll never forget because you spent them thinking about the happy times.

You know those days where you are reminded of everything good in the world. The days where that guy from your Research lab walks to the door before you, grabs it, and says “after you.” The heads up penny that you find on your way to class. That person who smiles at you and tells you that they love your outfit, and your person texts you a simple “How are you.” The warm embrace after your game of a surprise from your people you haven’t seen in months, nothing like it.

As humans, we do a lot of over complication of life. I for one, can see the future somedays and the other days I can’t forget my past. We are told that “we’re young” and we have a whole life ahead of us. I have met so many people in my life that are simply “go with the flow” and those are the type of people I get along most with. The point is to not look for these people. The people you’re meant to be with. This, is a downfall of the human race. There are seven billion souls on this earth, most not good, some amazing, and you think that you have everything you need at age 19. It hurts to let people out of your life, it hurts to move your feet from the same land you called home. It hurts to move forward when you hate change, but it’s hard to hate change if you don’t know what’s to come.

Think about your days. Think about them hard. Let yourself wonder, but not too far into the future. Don’t bet on anyone, don’t trust with your whole being. In your mistakes you will realize that no one is perfect, and in your triumphs you’ll realize that it’s lonely at the top. How extraordinary is it to surround yourself with those who see you, hear you, want you, love you, and take all of you. How extraordinary to live a life that will not be perfect by any means, but take all of your days and remember that you can always have it all. Never let someone know all of you, for there will come a day the person proposing the rest of your life will have finally hold all of your puzzle pieces to spend years putting together. But to be worried about love and the rest of your life at such a young age is not silly; no, but an act of cowardice. Do not expect, do not be lead down a path so deep you will have to crawl your way back through the dark. Let someone be your person, but do not let them become your home. There will be a time and place, and for now, just let it be.

For those of you who have been looking for someone to change your life, stop looking. It does not make pain go away, it does not help you deny anything further. If you love, love and love hard. Do not let someone tell you that the circumstances are too hard because we all have our days. The new person, they will not be like your last love, and you will always compare them. Don’t rush. For those of you struggling with something, lean on someone. For those of you lost in your own life, breathe. There may not be an answer to everything, in fact, there never will be. However, the power of your mind, the power of your words, and the power of your will, will compliment each other in ways indescribable if you remember that your purpose on this Earth is to be someone.

You are someone.

You always will have that.

Who you want to be? That’s the story that we write day by day.

Who you want to become? That’s the story they’ll read when you’re gone.

2 thoughts on “days

  1. That was one of the best pieces of writing I have ever read! You have such a gift of expression!!! Love you love you love you sooooo much Bear!!! ❤️🌸 And how did you become so wise?!?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your essay moved me in ways that you could never imagine! I remember those moments so vividly! Thanks for putting those thoughts to print! Your insight is just so ageless! I know now that you truly trust your soul! And that makes me so connected to you! Love ya to infinity and beyond!


    Liked by 1 person

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