Today, as usual, I adventured somewhere new (with good company, of course) and recognized my source of anxiety the past couple of days; life getting in the way. In my 19 years, I realized that talking to yourself is sometimes better kept, so I then asked myself some questions, GoPro in hand, smile still lingering.
Are you okay? – Simple. Better than how are you. Because “how are you” yields “good” and “good” means surface level. If you know me, surface level doesn’t entertain me, and we’ve all had a couple of exes to teach us what bland and uninteresting is (but that’s our fault, eh.) So, how are you? How are you living? The days that you forget to breathe seem to be catching up to you, and I know the feeling of life flying by for no reason except we’re growing up a little more every minute. Asking yourself if you are okay can give you enough time to figure your shit out. If you’re not okay (WHICH IS OKAY) then do as I instruct: Deep breath, pen in hand, and do something on paper. Draw out your week. Draw a flower. Write your name. But the biggest part to remember is the difference between actually being okay and convincing yourself you are. The moment you feel threatened by your own mind is when you must do something about it. Don’t put it off. You have a beautiful mind by the way. I hope you’re well.
How are you doing with loving yourself?- Goodness, how twisted we are to put ourselves first for once. Whatever is in the back of your head, stop addressing it. The past 6 months have been marked by struggle over here, I don’t know about you, but I’ve found that loving yourself is single-handedly the most challenging event to conquer. Take your past, and tell people to stop looking for it. Its gone. The negative connotation that you have given to your past can only be changed by you. Loving yourself, I know, is easier said than done. But how amazing do you feel when it has been done. You become able to fall in love with the world, places can take your breath away again and you can listen to people when they tell you to keep your head up. When you are in love with your own life, there is nothing that can come in between the way that you live, the way you are affected by adversity, and more importantly the way that you carry yourself. You’re beautiful as all hell, babe. Keep moving forward.
How did the first 29 go?- My last blog seemed to have given a lot of people a kick in the butt from the texts I was receiving. I know that the New Year makes everyone want to go spend 7 hours in the gym and eat enough leafy greens to feed a small rabbit farm, but it’s just not realistic. The thing about living on earth is that we have a large chance of being able to start over every single day at 12:00am. But why don’t we ever look at it like this? Because that would be too easy. With the mindset of being able to finish and restart or finish and continue to build every single day, you will rarely find yourself alone in a crowd thinking about what went wrong or “what you could’ve done.” Living with regrets is one of the hardest habits to brush off. If you’re doing it, chances are that is what is clouding your mind. Please remember that you are supposed to be here right now, in this moment, in this position. Hold on to it, and don’t regret while you’re alive to know you could.
So in my 19 years, I’ve learned that the only way to get decent at public speaking was consistently talking to myself. But in all seriousness, it helps. I met for coffee with a (new) friend and she talked a lot about not having desire to write because she doesn’t know what to write about. Start by talking outloud. How stupid you’re going to sound is at your own discretion (haha) but it works. Get your thoughts out of your headache prone mind. If you’re not so headache prone (don’t ask your significant other about that one though) talk in your head. It’s almost a form or meditation and let me tell you, it makes for some pretty cool dreams.
Well love, find a way to make this week something more than just “good”. Challenge yourself. Talk to yourself. Love yourself. Read more. My favorite author right now has opened my eyes and my heart to poetry like no other… (big things are coming by the way!) All of the typewritten words intertwined in this blog are his, Whiskey Words & a Shovel by r. h. sin is a must buy. or a must borrow. call me.
Stop possessing an attitude that you would yell at your bestfriend for having. Smile enough that it becomes real, and stop hoping waiting and wishing that “things will change.” Every ounce of you is worth it. You’re worth it. Tell the little voice in your head to start making sense. Do not feel bad for ever putting yourself first. If you needed a sign, here it is.
xo (and start to read more.)