Happy Valentines day, loves. For some of you, you spent it texting your significant other and enjoying the chocolates and teddy bears sent with some note about how loved you are. I hope you enjoyed. For some of you doing distance, shout out. You guys are unreal. For some of you, you complained all day about how much you hate this day, I hope you enjoyed. For few of you, you sat in a library all morning planning your life out in between writing index cards for a test you had in two hours. I enjoyed. Some boy gave me a rose today, and before I turned it down because (typical me, wasn’t a sunflower) he said, “here, the yellow one. It suits you.” I smiled for the second time today.
Someone asked me the other day what the obsession I have with sunflowers was. Obviously, they’re beautiful flowers. It’s kinda like when people ask me why my favorite color is grey. Its the way that sunflowers make people feel that I’m obsessed with. On the worst day of my life, I hope I can go home to a room in my house that simply has a white couch, and a white canvas up high on the wall, plastered with sunflowers. There’s something about how calm they are that brings me back to a time when my favorite color wasn’t grey.
On the national day of love, I hope you’re loving yourself. It’s been hard to keep life in check lately. You’re busy. You’re in love. You’re heartbroken. I hope you’re okay. Your mind wanders a lot, I can tell, and I know you’re telling yourself to stay above it all. You got this. (You’re diving back into deep water, but good thing Elvis wrote Heartbreak Hotel!)
See that’s the thing. We become apart of other people’s lives so much that we forget to be a part of our own. When was the last time you went shopping? Today I bought myself the cutest pair of heels, with summer dates in mind. When was the last time you bought yourself that donut from the little shop downtown? That coconut one. Yeah. When was the last time you asked yourself how you were, instead of asking someone else? That’s the line we frequently cross.
This is about your surroundings. Love has become about who you surround yourself with. I’ve found that you don’t need to be in love to be happy. That’s what we confuse love with. Happiness. I hope that you find happiness with the recovery that you go through after your bad days. Remember the people who stood by you when you needed them. Remember the people who turned their backs on you when you needed them. Remember the people who loved you and never left, and remember the ones who never loved you and left anyways. I mean, you owe it to yourself. Stop surrounding yourself with people, with places, with things that you don’t love.
I get it. Sometimes loving yourself is hard. Sometimes loving someone else is hard. You have a journey ahead of you that no one else can follow except you. Pick the path, stay the course, and let people in. Let people love you, let people surround you and let people change your world. However – never forget where you came from. your town, your relationships that tore you apart, the people who came in and loved everything about you.
Don’t forget to be a part of your own life. After all, you’re the only one who’s waking up everyday to do it.
Love you, love yourself, love your others.
(call your bestfriend too.) x’s & o’s. mwah.