The email topic with the most volume the past two weeks would how to let go of someone who was in your life that is extremely toxic. (Quick! email me –> email@example.com to be added to my lit email list. It’s cool. It’s a GREAT way to meet people too.)
Here for you.
Toxicity is like water. It doesn’t taste like anything, doesn’t smell like anything, and you can see straight through it. Water? We need it. Just as we feel like we need love. Continuing, put toxicity like looking for water in the desert. You put everything in and you seem to get nothing back. You think everything is okay, and on paper it looks all put together. You may not even realize you’re in a toxic relationship.
Romantic. Friendship. Family. Acquaintance. Co-worker.
Toxicity is everywhere. I guess I should explain myself. Toxic. Think poison. Think of the person who pees in the pool and it all turns blue. Think of the mean girl in 4th grade who spread a rumor about you. Now we grew up. But did we really?
I guess I speak from experience. And who knows, I’m not perfect, maybe I’ve been the toxic one in someone’s life. This life, I’ve figured, is a puzzle. But not the kind where you figure out where you fit. This life is about trying everything to figure out where you dont fit. SO with everyone around you trying to “fit”, you come across some people that aren’t meant to be in your life, no matter how bad you want them to be.
some tell tale signs of a toxic relationship ++ Taken from BOTH sides. (given, always some exceptions):
emotional – letting you go to bed upset is one of these things, don’t @ me. Being upset to the point of tears or anger before bed is never okay. Sometimes it’s time to swallow your pride and call your person and even though you may not be sorry, you let them know you love them before they go to sleep. you never know.
physical – this is not always as obvious as you’d think. speaking from both experience, and with close friends who have gone through this, physical abuse in the slightest that makes you uncomfortable is extremely toxic. its going to get harder. speak up to the people closest to you, they’re your people for good reason. someone who loves you will not use their power or strength over you.
mentally – the mind games. we’ve all played them. however, a person who is going to claim you as theirs but sleep with someone else is not in your best interest. a person who is going to create false hope in a relationship you’d do anything for. a person who is going to lie to you at all costs “so that you’re happy” does not constitute your happiness, nor should it.
jealousy – this is natural. we are humans. but remember that there’s certain times for jealousy. appropriate the times as one of these humans. your significant other probably shouldn’t be jealous of you going out with your girls on a Saturday night, or going to a family party without them. same for you. take a breath, don’t turn green. (HAPPY ALMOST SAINT PATRICKS DAY THOUGH BABY!!!)
side noted – I always like to talk about this. side notes are often for those little sarcastic remarks or the sexual innuendos that only you two would understand. when side notes become derogatory, unwanted, or uncomfortable, there’s a sign sis.
Keep in mind we aren’t perfect. We’re going to fight. You’re going to fight with your girlfriends. Your boyfriends. You’re going to fight with your parents and you’re most likely not going to like a boss or 2 that you have. But it’s important that you recognize the difference between attainable and impossible.
Getting rid of the toxic people in your life is ALWAYS easier said than done. It’s hard to recognize it even, and most of the time your friends are too busy in their own relations to understand what may or may not be going on. I wonder a lot about how much easier life would’ve been for me much earlier had I cut out the toxicity of my life and surrounded myself with (PEACE HAPPINESS & LOOOVE) a little earlier. I have been blessed to have had at a minimum 2 year relationships with everyone close to me. It’s been interesting when it comes to relationships, fixing certain ones and letting ones go, but I think I got it figured out.
If it doesn’t make you happy, like smiling like a little kid happy, get rid of it.
You’ll find yourself with some weights lifted off your shoulders, a little pep in your step, and LOTS of room for meeting new people. We do our spring cleaning of all our clothes…. who said we couldn’t do a little relationship maintenance?
S/O to my girls & boys, you all know who you are. The question I get a lot is “how many people in your life is enough people” and I will never have a steady answer. If you know me, you know my love for new friends, new people in my life, and new adventures. I have found that the “limit does not exist” (MESSAGE ME THIS MOVIE n I’LL SHOUT YOU OUT 😉 ) when it comes to having a number of people in your life. As long as your relationships are healthy, happy, and nearly weightless, you’re always going to breathe a little easier.
AS ALWAYS Thank you for visiting my blog this week, all of you spring breakers have me so incredibly wanting the sun, but I’m happy you all are getting out of the snow for a bit. I’ve been listening to Tory Lanez, working & trying to get my big self up and running again…… and boxing up the past 18 years of my life as my family and I prepare for this move… && as you’ve all been wondering, maintaining a healthy relationship with my favorite human.
Support each other. Love each other. Share this too, you never know who might need it. If you needed a sign, here it is. XO