So this blog right here has been “in progress” for about 2 weeks now since I never know what to say. You’re reading the 15th try, the 17th draft, and the actual 20th time I’m writing this introduction to you all. Maybe I’m just nervous.
No one wants to talk about body image. We want to promote eating healthy, but “forget” to document when we eat a sleeve of Girl Scout Cookies. We skirt around the fact that we lowkey hate looking in the mirror, suck in a little more, take the picture, plop down on our beds and pick the best filter. We scroll, and man do we scroll, through pages of “perfect” girls with “perfect” bodies and even when Aerie tries to make us all feel “good enough,” we don’t.
Seems like a lost cause. And for a while, it was. Let me open up.
Somedays, I love the way I look, hop on that scale with a big freaking smile. But then I remember that yesterday, I worked out twice, drowned myself in water, and barely ate the day before. This ain’t healthy. Somedays, I can’t even look at myself. Anyone else?
Back in high school, if you knew me, you knew where my obsession sparked up. Helping others. No one told me to stop counting calories at age 16, because we were all too skinny with no asses. I didn’t workout besides basketball, but I didn’t eat either. If you really know me, you know I never really got better. In college I had to start lifting, so there’s where getting a butt and gaining weight came in. Drinking always gets ya too. But still, if you know me today, you know that I struggle everyday with what I see in the mirror, what I put in my body, and what I look like. But lets chat.
How come there has to be an “ideal body image”? I mean we usually want what we can’t have, but usually someone loves your body more than you do and how shitty is that.
Instagram is not real.
It’s close, but its not real. I can guarantee that you didn’t know what I just told you. Just like you don’t know the stories of most of the perfect girls you see. Some are transparent about it, like one of my favorite models @AlexisRen. Her eating disorder was one that she couldn’t talk about for a while, and her body is loved by some, hated by some, you know. @Charlotteslawrence just came out with a song today, called “Everybody Loves You” which touches upon her struggles in loving herself, regardless of the love that fame has brought her.
But here we have close, and real, AMAZING women who you know and love.
Let’s talk about @lexikellyyy.
How could I not. I’ve watched her grow from the times we were in high school, when boys defined our relationship and then we realized we’re basically family. I saw Lex at her lowest, highest, and everything in between, but I will never forget the first time I saw this girl love herself openly on social media.
One of the hardest things to do is put yourself out there – and that she did. She said she’d been working hard and she’ll show it off if she wants, and damn well here she is. With her it’s never been a question of looking good, because she’s always looked good. But the one thing she’s taught me is that the only thing you need to look good is a half smile & some self love. You’re glowing, and I love you.
Next we have to chat about @LexaSudore.
Lexa, to me, is a girl who I’ve known her name for a while because everyone knows everyone back at home. The girl can make your day with her inspirational words, and you see this sparkle in her eye when she gets to travel the world. From afar, thanks to her, I’ve made it a prerogative to tell myself something positive everytime she posted something positive. (and that my friends is ALOT!)
To see her go through a struggle, pass it, overcome it, and then talk about it, was something that I will always be so in admiration about. There was a time where I knew she didn’t love herself. I’m sure there’s days where she struggles, still. (This life is a work in progress.) But if you haven’t seen her now, her heart is gold and her smile is indescribable. Lexa, you’re amazing.
So I guess it’s all a work in progress. This whole loving yourself thing. It’s like getting a salad “because you have to” when everyone else ordered what they wanted. By all means, it’s something I work on everyday. I want you all to as well.
First up: SELF TALK. – stop telling your friends you look fat. They’ve heard you. You look great without makeup. (and who really cares what that stupid guy has to say anyways)
GOING BY THE SCALE – numbers have been defining us since we took that first regents exam. this number is supposed to fluctuate, in fact you’re probably 5 pounds heavier than you were when you woke up today. Take a breath.
TREATING YOURSELF – Now I’m not saying go eat an entire gallon of icecream. But I’m saying loosen up a bit. As much as you think enjoying a few scoops of icecream is going to ruin your beach body, it won’t. (Neither will grapefruit beer lol)
LET YOUR PEOPLE KNOW – You’re allowed to struggle. Tell someone. Tell the world. Just don’t stay silent, together we can overcome this.
LOVE SOMEONE ELSE – If you think they’re it, tell them. If you like her outfit, tell her. If you like his haircut, tell him. A lot of us struggle with fears of rejection, which stems from lack of positive self talk and self love. (Let me let you in on a secret: If a woman has the courage to tell you about her trust issues and where they come from, yet continue on the journey to finding herself, HOLD ON TO HER !)
SHOW COMPASSION – There is always going to be that girl you don’t like, somewhere, somehow, some concert. You don’t know what you may have put them through, what they’ve been through in your absence, etc. Say sorry or Be nice.
YES, MEG, I know I need to take my own advice. In the past week, I went vegan (surprise!!, holidays don’t count) and my GOODNESS it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever been apart of. It’s my control issues back at it again, but I am excited to have talked to @jillischell & @torikegs extensively about this lifestyle change I’m attempting.
Thank you. For stepping into my world I have cracked the door open to. Thank you for listening to me, commenting on my pictures, and liking them just the same. But let’s be realistic, likes, comments, and feedback doesn’t mean a thing unless you love yourself. To the people who are close to me – I love you. Thank you for yelling at me what I need to hear, not what I want.
So, now what?
It’s okay if you don’t love yourself today, in fact it’s okay if you don’t love yourself for a while. However. If you continue to be a work in progress, no one can rain on your parade. I think I’m going to be a forever work in progress. But that’s okay. For any girls who feel the same, connect with me, connect with Lexi or Lexa. I’m sure we can find more in common than a previous allergy to loving ourselves.
I love you guys, 26 different countries this month officially.
Thank you for helping me on this journey. We’ve got a long way to go, but look how far we’ve come.